Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Neat movie idea!

I had this idea for a movie this morning while tossing and turning in bed.... it's movie about the adult lives of the Peanuts gang.

Here's the synopsis:

We find out that Charlie Brown, while still in college, develops a computer operating system that makes him one of the wealthiest guys on the planet. Lucy, of course, latches on to him, and marries him to satisfy her “princess” syndrome, starts calling him Charles, and poor old Mr. Brown becomes a henpecked husband.

Meanwhile we learn the Peppermint Patty is a lesbian, she had a passionate affair with the Little Red-Haired Girl for two years while they were still in their 20s. Patty broke it off, realizing her first love was Marcie, and the Little Red-Haired Girl became so confused about her sexuality, she became a top rated porn star, much to the dismay (and delight) of Charles Brown.

Sally was seduced while still in high school by a devious Peppermint Patty, and she found strength in the arms of Franklin. They married soon after and had 11 children and operate a string of bed and breakfasts based in New Hampshire, Vermont and upstate New York, all financed of course by her big brother Charles.

Linus became a famous author noted mostly for his ‘shoot from the hip’ type of self-help advice. Sadly, while fixing millions of people all over the world, he couldn’t make himself happy and killed himself when he was just 31 years old, leaving his little brother Rerun to manage his estate.

Schroeder lost interest in his piano in his teens, and turned to football, something he excelled at. He was a first round draft choice while still a freshman in college and was snatched up by the Dallas Cowboys when he was just 21. In the team’s Superbowl outing 7 years ago, the Cowboys trailing by 3 points, 1 minute to go in the game, his offensive line pushed towards the goal with his famous ground game. At the two yard line he was sacked way back at the 50 yard line, so at 4th down with 50 yards to go he chose to run the ball in himself, and he scored the winning touchdown, giving way to the famous phrase, “At the last minute Schroeder can do it!” ®© This famous tag line has been used to sell everything from airline tickets to baby pacifiers, and it is owned and available to license by his good friend Charles Brown. It was during this movie, that we find out that Schroeder’s real first name was Henry, and he was the 8th man in his family named Henry. With his good looks, sporting ability and money, he blew through Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders like they were cheap hookers, eventually marrying 6 of them. Retired from sports at the age of 41, he keeps himself busy having hip replacement surgeries (he’s on his 15th right hip) and getting back to his younger day interest in the piano, penning hit songs for singers like Whitney Houston, LeAnne Rimes, Michael BublĂ©, and penned the tender father/daughter duet by Rod and Kimberly Stewart; “You’re Killing Me With Your Antics, Act Your Age Already!”

Pigpen became a sharp-witted stand up comedian, gaining international fame while still a teen. He went on to host many TV game and reality shows, and he had a ‘hobby’ of buying car dealerships ending up with a meglo-maniac’s dream of owning 129 dealerships. He became even better known by his string of commercials and roadside billboards hawking: “Would YOU buy a car from this man? Of COURSE you would and WILL!”

Snoopy, having failed as a novelist, became a famous circus performer specializing in balancing acts. All those years sleeping on his dog house peak apparently paid off. We also find out that Woodstock was really a female bird. Snoopy and Woodstock’s pictures were splashed all over the tabloids when it was reported that they had a kinky cross-species sexual relationship going on. They perished in a plane crash off the coast of Alaska in a raging mid-winter snowstorm while trying to visit Spike, who went to live there when the story of his brother’s perverse sexual antics forced him into seclusion on the frozen tundra.

By the end of the movie we find out that the MEEK will rule. While signing papers she thought would include her in Charlie’s fortunes, Lucy was in reality signing the most ironclad pre-nup in marriage history. In a few years Lucy would also unknowingly sign divorce papers freeing Charlie (he went back to his childhood name too) to marry his new sweetheart, Oprah Winfrey. Then it was revealed that Oprah was his childhood Pen Pal. Together they were an unstoppable power couple, eventually buying up a slew of items such as China, most of South America (Paraguay is such a holdout) and winning The Orion Star Belt in a friendly wager during a golf game between Charlie and some of his alien business buddies at Yellowstone National Park’s world class golf course.

Heartbroken Lucy retreated to one of her ex-sister-in-law’s bed and breakfasts, (Franklin urged his wife Sally to be nice to her, and he’s such a nice guy!). She settled into the one managed by Peppermint Patty and her now legal wife Marcie (they were in Vermont) and fell in love with both of them becoming the first lesbian tri-ouple.

And that’s the end of the movie!


Anonymous said...

OMG--This is too funny.

Anonymous said...

I would watch it lol.